1 00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:31,030 Good evening. Hi. 2 00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:32,310 We'd like a room? 3 00:01:32,710 --> 00:01:33,710 Certainly. 4 00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:36,310 Double, huh? 5 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,330 Best you got. 6 00:01:37,910 --> 00:01:39,690 Okay, that's room number five. 7 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,710 Very romantic. 8 00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:43,010 Soft lighting. 9 00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:47,090 And between you and me, huh? It's got the best mattress in the place. 10 00:01:47,470 --> 00:01:48,470 Oh, sounds great. 11 00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:50,390 Just married, huh? 12 00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:52,310 How'd you know? 13 00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:53,149 Your finger. 14 00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:54,850 Huh? It's turning blue. 15 00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:58,450 You couldn't have been wearing that ring very long. Oh, I guess it is a little 16 00:01:58,450 --> 00:01:59,450 tight. Yeah. 17 00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:04,230 Plus the tuxedo you're wearing and the gown the lady's wearing are a dead 18 00:02:04,230 --> 00:02:05,310 giveaway. Oh. 19 00:02:05,990 --> 00:02:06,990 Yeah. 20 00:02:08,449 --> 00:02:10,389 How much is it? Thirty bucks. 21 00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:14,350 What about the honeymoon rates? 22 00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:17,090 Don't ask. 23 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:22,750 You take American Express? 24 00:02:23,270 --> 00:02:24,630 Nope. Only American money. 25 00:02:24,990 --> 00:02:26,650 Oh. Company policy. 26 00:02:26,870 --> 00:02:27,870 Oh, that's okay. 27 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:31,450 You look all right. 28 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,110 Yeah. 29 00:02:35,870 --> 00:02:36,870 Okay. 30 00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:38,570 There you go. Thanks. 31 00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:43,330 You can't miss it. It's the room with the big five on it. 32 00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:50,130 Good night. 33 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,270 Good night. 34 00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,990 Okay. Let's have some dinner first. 35 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,830 Oh, good idea. 36 00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:39,550 I'll call room service. Haven't sent something up. Oh, but let's go out for 37 00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:40,550 dinner. 38 00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,550 Oh, no. I got a better idea. 39 00:03:44,870 --> 00:03:47,450 Well, don't you think we should unpack first? 40 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:48,710 No. 41 00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:51,950 No, why bother? We're going to be leaving first thing in the morning or 42 00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:54,630 thereabouts. Oh. Oh. 43 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:58,520 Um, Morris? 44 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:00,780 Now what? 45 00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:05,740 Nothing. I mean, I have to go... Susan! 46 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,640 I have to go in there. 47 00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:11,080 Oh. Oh, sure. 48 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,560 Oh, here. 49 00:04:13,940 --> 00:04:17,940 Tell you what. While you're in there, I'll bring in the suitcases and I'll 50 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:20,180 up that bottle of bubbly. Oh, good. That'll take some time. 51 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:24,160 I mean, while I'm in the... The little girl's room? Yeah. Don't take too long. 52 00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:25,260 Okay. 53 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,320 didn't fall in, did you, honey? 54 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,040 Sue, honey, are you in there? 55 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,179 I'm here. 56 00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:28,100 Are you all right, honey? I'm scared. 57 00:05:28,540 --> 00:05:29,840 Scared of what? Of me? 58 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,200 No, not you, hon. 59 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:35,440 I'm just scared of, you know. I don't know. What? 60 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,200 You know. 61 00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:38,220 Know what? 62 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:39,960 I'm just scared. 63 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,180 Of what, for God's sake? 64 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:44,240 I'm scared of doing it. 65 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:06,660 only think if you try it, you might like it. 66 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,000 I can't. I'm scared. 67 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,420 Well, I'll tell you what, honey. 68 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,100 I was about to open up the door, and we'll talk about it. 69 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,700 Just talk? 70 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:17,900 Sure. 71 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,060 I can't. I'm scared. 72 00:06:21,220 --> 00:06:27,380 I know that, honey, but if you'll open up the door, we can discuss this like... 73 00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:28,680 Two normal people. 74 00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:30,620 Are you saying I'm not normal? 75 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:35,640 No, no, no, no. Of course not, honey. But you will have to admit that locking 76 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:39,040 yourself in the bathroom door on your wedding night is not something your 77 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,020 average, ordinary, everyday bride might do. 78 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,940 Morris Charnowsky, you're a... 79 00:07:12,940 --> 00:07:13,919 that fucking door. 80 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,640 Morris, you wouldn't. You coming out of there? No. 81 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,360 Well, then stand back because I'm coming in. 82 00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:20,880 Morris, don't. 83 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,900 Ow. Oh. 84 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:27,120 Oh. Are you all right? 85 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:31,600 No. I broke my arm and my ass. Maybe I should call a doctor. 86 00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:34,560 No. Now that you're out, I guess I'll be all right. 87 00:07:49,930 --> 00:07:53,050 Well, while you're making up your mind, I'm going to go out and get drunk. 88 00:07:53,830 --> 00:07:55,330 You've already gotten drunk. 89 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:57,730 Well, I'm going to get drunker. 90 00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:01,070 Then I'm going to go out and get laid. You can't tell me I got mad tonight. 91 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,039 Something I can get you? 92 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:40,780 No, thanks. 93 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:43,260 How's the room? 94 00:08:44,059 --> 00:08:45,980 Oh, okay, I guess. 95 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,180 Mattress okay, too? 96 00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,060 I wouldn't know. 97 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,420 Oh, in the bathroom, huh? 98 00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,100 How did you know? 99 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:04,420 Listen, when you've been in this business 29 years, you get to know 100 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,940 Brand new bride? Happens all the time. It does? 101 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,000 Sure. Well, I remember one. 102 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,260 Girl locked herself in the bathroom in 104. 103 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,380 Stayed there three whole days. 104 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:18,720 Three days? 105 00:09:19,260 --> 00:09:23,340 Only reason she came out then was she got tired of drinking tap water and 106 00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:24,340 toothpaste. 107 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:28,600 Husband thought everything was all right. But as soon as she ate, she 108 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:29,219 right back. 109 00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:30,280 So what did he do? 110 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:33,940 Don't rightly know. He never came back. 111 00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:35,590 And the wife? 112 00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:37,390 Oh, her? She was fine. 113 00:09:37,970 --> 00:09:39,630 Ran away with a locksmith. 114 00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:44,290 What locksmith? The one we called to get the door open. 115 00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:46,630 Oh, that's terrific. 116 00:09:46,910 --> 00:09:50,310 You wouldn't happen to have a locksmith's disguise you could lend me. 117 00:09:50,730 --> 00:09:52,650 Listen, son. Don't worry. 118 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:57,070 Stuff like this happens all the time around here. 119 00:09:57,570 --> 00:09:58,750 Craziest stuff, too. 120 00:09:59,630 --> 00:10:02,870 You know how they say you gotta be crazy to get married? 121 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,980 But let me tell you something. I believe this. 122 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:14,200 Thanks for the sympathy, but this has got to be as bad as things can get. 123 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:15,940 Think so, huh? 124 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,220 Well, you got a few minutes? 125 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,340 I've got all night. 126 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,280 Don't need all night to prove my point. 127 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,280 Well, I remember one time, the year we opened. 128 00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:30,860 That'd be 1949. 129 00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:34,750 The groom didn't even take off his tie, for Pete's sake. 130 00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:36,990 Oh, Stanley, it's lovely. 131 00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,390 Not as lovely as you, my pet. 132 00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:42,990 Hey, is there somewhere I could put this stuff? Yes, George, anywhere is fine. 133 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:47,550 Honey, mind if I just hop in the bathtub and freshen up a bit? 134 00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:49,390 Sure, sweetie. 135 00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:52,950 And hurry, and don't fall in. I will. 136 00:10:53,170 --> 00:10:54,830 Hurry, I mean, not fall in. 137 00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:57,490 Well, George, I'm off. 138 00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,570 Did you explain it to her? 139 00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:01,330 Surely you just, of course not. 140 00:11:02,199 --> 00:11:06,040 Georgie, you explain it to her. I know you can. You're a good talker. Why me? 141 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,940 You're a husband. You're my best friend. You're the best friend I have in the 142 00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:11,200 whole world. Georgie, please do it. Do it for me. 143 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,180 You do a great job. Honest. I trust you. 144 00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:16,180 Thanks a lot, Georgie. 145 00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:21,820 Alice, would you mind sitting down for a minute? 146 00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:42,190 Stanley. You're not going to understand this, but... Alice, let me explain to 147 00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:43,190 you. Alice. 148 00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:54,030 Here I am, honey. How do you like... Stanley? 149 00:11:54,350 --> 00:11:55,350 Where's Stanley? 150 00:11:58,290 --> 00:12:00,610 Stanley had to leave. Where is Stanley, George? 151 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,850 Alice, would you mind sitting down? 152 00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:04,130 What happened to Stanley? 153 00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:05,990 Like I said, he had to leave. 154 00:12:06,270 --> 00:12:07,730 What do you mean, he had to leave? 155 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,090 Just that, he had to leave. But this is our honeymoon! 156 00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,910 Come on, George, what kind of joke is this? 157 00:12:16,130 --> 00:12:17,370 Where did Stanley go? 158 00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:19,430 He went to the train station. 159 00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:20,750 For what? 160 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:22,950 Catch a train? 161 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,110 Hey, just give me a chance for Pete's sake. 162 00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:32,350 Well, make it quick. 163 00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:33,530 Okay, sit down. 164 00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:40,130 You know that Stanley was married before, don't you? 165 00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,350 Yes, his first wife died in a shipwreck or something. 166 00:12:44,290 --> 00:12:45,290 Or something. 167 00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:46,870 The body was never found. 168 00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,210 So what? That was years ago. 169 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:52,870 Well, maybe it was found. 170 00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:54,310 What do you mean? 171 00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:58,650 Stanley got this telegram right after the ceremony from the police in New 172 00:12:59,050 --> 00:13:02,210 and they seem to have found this woman on some island in the Pacific. 173 00:13:02,770 --> 00:13:04,170 The New York City police? 174 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,650 No. No, the Navy. 175 00:13:07,190 --> 00:13:11,070 Anyway, she didn't know who she was or how she got there, and they brought her 176 00:13:11,070 --> 00:13:14,230 back to the States, and the police tentatively identified her as 177 00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:15,870 Stanley's first wife. 178 00:13:16,310 --> 00:13:17,350 That seems to be it. 179 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,830 Anyway, Stanley went to New York to identify her before anything happened. 180 00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:25,130 But on our wedding night... 181 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,000 You know that Stanley wasn't divorced. 182 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:34,240 And he thought she was dead all this time, and it's only been five years, so 183 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,640 she is alive and anything were to happen... What do you mean, George? 184 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:43,640 You know, if you had consummated the marriage, then Stanley would actually be 185 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:44,640 bigamist. 186 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,540 Then why did he marry me if it wasn't legal? 187 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,940 He didn't know it wasn't legal. He thought she was dead, and what could it 188 00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:52,940 possibly mattered? 189 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:54,900 You know... 190 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:59,860 This whole thing reminds me of an incredibly bad Loretta Young movie I saw 191 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,460 Oh, George. 192 00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:07,060 Horrible. Alice, it's okay. Everything will be okay, Alice. 193 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,020 We shouldn't. Why not? 194 00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,160 Because I'm a married woman. 195 00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:32,660 Sort of. 196 00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:36,680 That's debatable. 197 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,020 Oh, George, you shouldn't. 198 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,240 Oh, lawyer. 199 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:26,460 Oh, it's not right, but it feels so good. 200 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:33,220 Oh, I'm so glad you're here with me, George. 201 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,300 Thank you very much. 202 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,940 Thank you. 203 00:19:56,970 --> 00:19:58,890 What happened when the husband came back? 204 00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:01,290 Nothing. Nothing? 205 00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:02,630 How come? 206 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:07,570 Well, he actually didn't come back. You see, it turned out that his wife, his 207 00:20:07,570 --> 00:20:09,050 first wife, was really actually alive. 208 00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:15,350 Well, then what happened to the bride and the best man? 209 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:18,730 Oh, they got married. It was really nice. 210 00:20:18,930 --> 00:20:20,570 They came back here for their first honeymoon. 211 00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:23,850 It's just like in the movies. 212 00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:25,490 Oh. 213 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:29,080 It's a good thing that the groom didn't come back sooner. 214 00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:30,720 He would have caught them. 215 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,920 Otherwise, it might not have had such a happy ending. 216 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,900 Oh, that's been known to happen. 217 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:37,840 You're kidding. 218 00:20:38,180 --> 00:20:44,020 You mean... Huh? You mean the groom catching the bride with the best man? 219 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,600 Well, not actually the best man, but good enough. 220 00:20:48,420 --> 00:20:53,020 Let me see now. That took place... That was 1954, that one. 221 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:58,630 Yep. Seems this here fella had to go back to the city on an emergency 222 00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:00,490 trip the second day of his honeymoon. 223 00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:04,290 But when he got back, he had a little surprise waiting. 224 00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:08,450 Wake up, honey. 225 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,910 I got backer. 226 00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,350 What the hell is this? 227 00:21:15,850 --> 00:21:16,850 Henry. 228 00:21:17,590 --> 00:21:20,070 You weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow. 229 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:21,870 What are you doing here? 230 00:21:22,230 --> 00:21:23,230 What am I? 231 00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:25,390 We just got married, remember? 232 00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:27,350 What the hell is he doing here? 233 00:21:27,930 --> 00:21:30,630 Well, I'll tell you. Nothing at the moment because I was sleeping. 234 00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:32,910 Allie woke me up. I woke you up. 235 00:21:33,130 --> 00:21:35,430 You son of a bitch. You're in bed with my wife. 236 00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:36,990 So? So. 237 00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:39,750 So. So it's my goddamn honeymoon. 238 00:21:40,970 --> 00:21:43,450 It was your honeymoon, Jack. Then where the hell were you? 239 00:21:43,930 --> 00:21:47,810 Oh, well, they had this breakdown in the Scranton plant. And the senior manager 240 00:21:47,810 --> 00:21:51,310 was on vacation, so they... Hey, wait a minute. I don't have to explain anything 241 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,310 to you. 242 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:53,660 You're in bed with my wife. 243 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,340 Listen, jerk. I worked hard last night, right, baby? 244 00:21:57,700 --> 00:22:01,380 I was just trying to get some rest when you... You listen, jerk. 245 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:06,020 First thing you decide is whether you want to walk home naked or get clipped 246 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:09,220 the parking lot because you and your clothes are leaving. 247 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:10,680 Now! 248 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,300 Is he dead? 249 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,220 Who the fuck cares? 250 00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:20,060 You know, Henry... 251 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:26,380 When you left me like that on our honeymoon, I thought you didn't care 252 00:22:27,740 --> 00:22:30,220 Thought I didn't care about you? 253 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,420 Honey, I love you. 254 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,800 But you left me the first day of our honeymoon. 255 00:22:37,740 --> 00:22:41,260 Honey, a breakdown in a steel mill can't wait. 256 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,080 If I hadn't been there to supervise the patch -up, the company would have lost 257 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,340 millions and I would have lost a $30 ,000 per year job. 258 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,800 Well, you almost lost one brand new wife. 259 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,080 I felt deserted. 260 00:22:57,420 --> 00:23:01,060 But you really do love me, don't you, Henry? 261 00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:03,780 Enough to do that. 262 00:23:04,540 --> 00:23:06,420 Damn straight I do. 263 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:08,740 Oh, Henry. 264 00:23:11,540 --> 00:23:13,660 Now show me how else you love me. 265 00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:16,080 Just what I had in mind. 266 00:26:32,780 --> 00:26:33,780 I'm sorry. 267 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,820 Geez, so what'd he do? Kill the guy or what? 268 00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:37,120 I don't know. 269 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,660 He eventually came to while they were going at it again, and he tore ass out 270 00:28:40,660 --> 00:28:42,640 there. I guess he knew what he was lit. 271 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:47,680 I'm surprised he, uh, you know, didn't try to join in on the festivities. 272 00:28:48,140 --> 00:28:49,300 Oh, he had his fill. 273 00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:53,540 You know what they say, don't you? You know, two's company, but three's a 274 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,560 No, I can't say that I do. 275 00:28:56,340 --> 00:28:59,700 Well, let me tell you, if you worked here, you'd know it. I mean, it's 276 00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:02,100 here more times than I can count. 277 00:29:03,630 --> 00:29:07,510 You mean a bride and a groom and a somebody else? 278 00:29:07,770 --> 00:29:08,770 Mm -hmm. 279 00:29:09,050 --> 00:29:10,690 All at the same time? Mm -hmm. 280 00:29:11,830 --> 00:29:12,990 Oh, you're putting me on. 281 00:29:13,430 --> 00:29:14,890 It's true, fella. It's true. 282 00:29:15,570 --> 00:29:18,290 I mean, you know, they say kids are wild today. 283 00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:19,490 Well, let me tell you. 284 00:29:19,870 --> 00:29:23,730 Kids have always been wild. They just had different names for the wildness. 285 00:29:24,170 --> 00:29:27,550 Like back in the 50s. They used to call them beatniks. Yeah. 286 00:29:28,350 --> 00:29:32,510 There was this one couple of newlyweds came in here in 59 it was. 287 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:37,380 Well, I don't know how it happened, but the best man must have been as good a 288 00:29:37,380 --> 00:29:39,140 friend to the bride as he was to the groom. 289 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,460 Well, here we are, baby. 290 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,260 Home sweet home. 291 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:48,100 Mmm, plastic city. How bourgeois. Why don't you let me down? 292 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:49,940 Never. I'll pee on you. 293 00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:52,800 Later for that, sweet. Later for you, baby doll. 294 00:29:58,020 --> 00:29:59,360 Hey, like, don't fall in. 295 00:30:04,990 --> 00:30:06,910 Reading light on your wedding night, Dan? 296 00:30:08,030 --> 00:30:09,210 Coney Island of the mind. 297 00:30:10,690 --> 00:30:11,690 Dharma bombs. 298 00:30:13,110 --> 00:30:14,310 Ouch. How? 299 00:30:14,950 --> 00:30:16,030 That one's Jones. 300 00:30:16,670 --> 00:30:17,670 Oh, I dig. 301 00:30:19,650 --> 00:30:24,070 You know, like, uh, I want to thank you for all the help with the best man thing 302 00:30:24,070 --> 00:30:28,250 and like that, you know? No problem. Glad to be had. Like, uh, Joanie, like, 303 00:30:28,250 --> 00:30:30,250 you and Joanie really mean a lot to me. 304 00:30:30,470 --> 00:30:32,070 Yeah, like I know, uh... 305 00:30:32,460 --> 00:30:34,580 But we were getting kind of worried like, you know? 306 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:36,259 What worry? 307 00:30:36,260 --> 00:30:40,440 You know, with us getting hitched and everything, we figured you just might 308 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:41,179 dig it. 309 00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:42,600 Hey, why should I dig it not? 310 00:30:43,220 --> 00:30:47,560 Well, you know, Joan's a pretty nice piece of tail, and you were getting into 311 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,140 her panties pretty regular -like. 312 00:30:49,420 --> 00:30:50,500 How'd you know about that? 313 00:30:51,940 --> 00:30:54,260 Joan and I have a very truthful relationship. 314 00:30:56,420 --> 00:30:58,140 It doesn't bother you? 315 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,200 Why should I get hot? 316 00:31:00,740 --> 00:31:01,780 You are a husband. 317 00:31:02,430 --> 00:31:03,850 Hey, that doesn't make me her keeper. 318 00:31:04,150 --> 00:31:07,090 Just because we got some papers, that doesn't make us some middle -class 319 00:31:07,090 --> 00:31:08,190 marriage vote, right? 320 00:31:09,150 --> 00:31:10,550 But doesn't it shake you up? 321 00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:16,010 Well, uh, Joan is just too much woman for any one man to handle, you know? 322 00:31:16,330 --> 00:31:19,390 I'm hip as to how while I was boring her every day, you were boring her every 323 00:31:19,390 --> 00:31:20,390 other night. 324 00:31:20,530 --> 00:31:21,550 You kid me not. 325 00:31:21,910 --> 00:31:22,910 You knew about that? 326 00:31:23,310 --> 00:31:24,690 Hey, I got a flash for you. 327 00:31:24,890 --> 00:31:26,610 When the two of us weren't heating her sheets. 328 00:31:27,130 --> 00:31:28,590 She was down at the coffee house. 329 00:31:28,990 --> 00:31:29,990 Yeah, reading poetry. 330 00:31:30,170 --> 00:31:34,290 Yeah, and bawling the bass player and the sax player and the drummer and that 331 00:31:34,290 --> 00:31:38,550 guitar player. What's his name from Minnesota with the 12 -string and the 332 00:31:38,550 --> 00:31:39,550 in his throat? 333 00:31:40,150 --> 00:31:41,150 Zimmerman somebody. 334 00:31:41,430 --> 00:31:42,610 But why? 335 00:31:43,010 --> 00:31:45,070 I don't know. She likes folk singers. 336 00:31:45,390 --> 00:31:47,130 No, I mean, why all them guys? 337 00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,090 She loves to fuck. 338 00:31:49,490 --> 00:31:50,970 Someone talking about me? 339 00:31:51,470 --> 00:31:54,630 Joanie. Hey, doll, I dig those threads. 340 00:31:55,090 --> 00:31:56,330 That could be the appropriate thing to wear. 341 00:31:57,629 --> 00:32:00,370 Well, kids, I think it's time I split. 342 00:32:00,630 --> 00:32:01,429 You going? 343 00:32:01,430 --> 00:32:02,329 How about coming? 344 00:32:02,330 --> 00:32:05,010 Huh? Things will be happening in just about two minutes. 345 00:32:05,350 --> 00:32:06,350 Left. 346 00:32:06,670 --> 00:32:07,670 You putting me on? 347 00:32:08,130 --> 00:32:10,570 Jack, have I ever put you on about sex before? 348 00:32:11,330 --> 00:32:12,450 You don't mind, do you? 349 00:32:12,710 --> 00:32:16,050 Hmm, not if you quit with the dialogue and get the show on the go hot stuff. 350 00:32:16,950 --> 00:32:22,770 But, uh, how... Two hoes, two cocks, and no problem. 351 00:32:25,150 --> 00:32:26,690 I don't know if I'm, uh... 352 00:32:26,970 --> 00:32:29,030 Hip to this level of freedom. 353 00:32:29,290 --> 00:32:30,290 We're going to find out. 354 00:32:30,470 --> 00:32:31,630 Oh, there's plenty of room. 355 00:32:32,070 --> 00:32:33,830 Besides, Dan's an ass man. 356 00:32:45,130 --> 00:32:46,410 You've got to be kidding. 357 00:32:46,650 --> 00:32:50,010 It's the God's truth. But you haven't heard anything yet. 358 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:55,760 Thank you. 359 00:35:39,020 --> 00:35:40,560 Thank you. 360 00:36:58,970 --> 00:37:01,830 No. No, I'm sorry. I can't believe that. 361 00:37:02,690 --> 00:37:07,910 That's too far out for the 50s. Why is it that every generation thinks they 362 00:37:07,910 --> 00:37:08,910 invented sex? 363 00:37:09,290 --> 00:37:12,670 You know, they've been doing it a long time, Sonny. How do you think you got 364 00:37:12,670 --> 00:37:16,450 here? Yeah, yeah, but still, that's pretty wild. 365 00:37:16,770 --> 00:37:20,150 It may be, but I swear it's the truth. May I be struck down by lightning? 366 00:37:21,070 --> 00:37:25,320 Well... Do you ever think that maybe your clientele here is just a little bit 367 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,040 peculiar? That may be so. 368 00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:30,760 But it's not just the clientele, you know. Even the help gets in the act. 369 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:32,260 The help? Yeah. 370 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:33,920 Yeah, there was this one. 371 00:37:34,420 --> 00:37:36,840 Her name was Lou Lene. She used to work here. 372 00:37:37,220 --> 00:37:40,780 Fine, beautiful black girl. And one of my best workers, really. 373 00:37:41,540 --> 00:37:45,180 Oh, lovely, lovely. Really beautiful girl. 374 00:37:45,780 --> 00:37:48,920 Anyway, you know, she even saved the honeymoon haven. 375 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:50,860 Saved? Yeah. 376 00:37:51,710 --> 00:37:53,010 From a horrible tragedy. 377 00:37:54,530 --> 00:37:56,210 Well, I'm all ears. What happened? 378 00:37:56,710 --> 00:38:00,630 Well, must have been back in, yes, it was 68. 379 00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:03,810 You know, flower children, love power. Oh, yeah. 380 00:38:04,430 --> 00:38:07,950 Well, there was this one groom whose love power didn't run out on him. 381 00:38:08,350 --> 00:38:09,630 And so did his bride. 382 00:38:17,310 --> 00:38:19,850 Okay, friend, this is it. You're finished. Jeremy, finished! 383 00:38:22,860 --> 00:38:24,180 You little squirt. 384 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:25,440 Wait! 385 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:28,960 Who are you? How did you get in here? 386 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:30,900 I'm the maid. I came in to make up the room. 387 00:38:31,340 --> 00:38:32,360 Oh, I see. 388 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,900 Sorry, I thought the room was empty. 389 00:38:35,220 --> 00:38:36,760 You saw your van pulling away? 390 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,200 You saw my wife pulling away. 391 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,440 For good. 392 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:45,340 But the sign on the back of the van said, Love, Peace, Just Married. 393 00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:47,620 Well, you can read. My wife can't. 394 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,600 Yes, maybe I should come back late on. 395 00:38:50,030 --> 00:38:53,110 Yeah, you do that. Me and my friend here will be finished real soon. 396 00:38:53,710 --> 00:38:55,250 Say, can I ask you something? 397 00:38:56,270 --> 00:38:57,270 Sure, shoot. 398 00:38:57,490 --> 00:39:03,070 Well, it might not be none of my business, but what kind of plans do you 399 00:39:03,070 --> 00:39:04,070 that razor? 400 00:39:04,490 --> 00:39:06,290 Look, you're right. It's none of your business. 401 00:39:06,730 --> 00:39:08,630 Now, Miss, uh... Lula Mae? 402 00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:11,010 Lula Mae, will you get out of here? 403 00:39:11,470 --> 00:39:12,490 Right, in a way. 404 00:39:12,770 --> 00:39:14,950 You know, it just might be my business. 405 00:39:15,390 --> 00:39:16,390 How so? 406 00:39:16,630 --> 00:39:18,550 I do have to clean up this place, you know. 407 00:39:19,020 --> 00:39:20,880 And if I guess leaves a big mess? 408 00:39:21,340 --> 00:39:23,560 Oh, well, it'll be just a little mess. 409 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,280 Hmm. All right, all right. So I'll use the bathtub. 410 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:28,720 You got to clean the tub, too. 411 00:39:28,980 --> 00:39:33,540 Besides, I don't want to find out you did something foolish or nothing, like 412 00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:34,538 kill yourself. 413 00:39:34,540 --> 00:39:35,459 Why not? 414 00:39:35,460 --> 00:39:36,720 Just ain't right, that's all. 415 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,960 So what's right? Look, a man loses his wife because he's not a man. 416 00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:45,800 What's left to do but to kill yourself? If you're not a man, what's that hanging 417 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:46,800 between your legs? 418 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:51,200 Don't remind me. This is what you call your basic limp penis. 419 00:39:51,580 --> 00:39:54,040 So? Everything gotta rest sometimes. 420 00:39:55,380 --> 00:40:00,020 Yeah, well, this particular limp penis gotta rest all the time. A real lazy 421 00:40:00,060 --> 00:40:02,460 huh? Yeah, especially when it counts. 422 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:03,519 Like in bed. 423 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:04,760 What happens in bed? 424 00:40:04,980 --> 00:40:06,060 Nothing. Nothing? 425 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:10,320 Yeah, nothing. My wife and I lay there and we cuddled and we kissed and we 426 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,240 snuggled and... Nothing. 427 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,020 What you have here is a failure to communicate. 428 00:40:16,589 --> 00:40:21,690 Oh, but... No, no, I don't think that this is going to help it. 429 00:42:21,109 --> 00:42:23,910 Thank you. 430 00:44:40,810 --> 00:44:42,170 No. No. 431 00:46:15,910 --> 00:46:17,330 Whatever happened to the guy's wife? 432 00:46:17,630 --> 00:46:19,850 I don't know, but after Lulu May, he didn't care. 433 00:46:20,070 --> 00:46:22,250 Oh, don't tell me he ran off and married Lulu May. 434 00:46:22,490 --> 00:46:24,650 Well, he didn't marry her, but they ran off to Hollywood together. 435 00:46:24,890 --> 00:46:25,890 What? Yeah. 436 00:46:26,130 --> 00:46:30,430 That girl made that boy so pecker proud, he wanted to show the whole world. 437 00:46:30,690 --> 00:46:34,090 So he convinced her to get into them there, you know, X -rated movies. 438 00:46:34,330 --> 00:46:37,710 Yeah, yeah. They keep sending me reviews. Here, take a look at this. 439 00:46:40,230 --> 00:46:41,490 Mixed combos. 440 00:46:41,950 --> 00:46:44,990 I always wondered what that meant. Yes, and now you know. 441 00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,540 What? Well, this place is a porno paradise. 442 00:46:48,780 --> 00:46:52,160 Hey, look, Sonny. I just provide the setting. They write the scripts. 443 00:46:52,820 --> 00:46:56,940 Yeah, but it's the setting that gets people going, you know? Nice romantic 444 00:46:57,340 --> 00:47:00,200 I mean, you don't exactly see people doing it in public. 445 00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:01,440 Mm -hmm. 446 00:47:01,700 --> 00:47:02,820 Oh, now, wait a minute. 447 00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:06,180 No, no, you're not going to tell me that you've actually had couples here 448 00:47:06,180 --> 00:47:07,720 banging away on the front lawn. 449 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,380 Well, not exactly on the front lawn, but how about doing it in front of other 450 00:47:11,380 --> 00:47:14,920 couples, eh? I mean, you heard about them, their swingers, those, you know, 451 00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:18,200 -swapping. Sure. Well, years ago, people at least believed, you know, in waiting 452 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,600 until they were bored, and so they started swinging, right? 453 00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,920 Now, people don't even wait for the ink to dry on the marriage license. 454 00:47:24,420 --> 00:47:26,000 Newlyweds? Oh, Loney. 455 00:47:26,220 --> 00:47:27,220 New as you. 456 00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:31,120 You know, that was before they built this new interstate. 457 00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,920 You know, this interstate, it really, really interrupted my business, I want 458 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,180 tell you. Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I still have my customers, but it 459 00:47:38,180 --> 00:47:39,180 really bothers me. 460 00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:41,600 What about these couples? 461 00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:43,840 Oh, the couples, right. Yeah, right, the couples, yeah. 462 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:47,860 Well, anyway, you know, we told you we were practically filled up. Well, 463 00:47:47,900 --> 00:47:50,000 these four friends, they got married, you know, all together. 464 00:47:50,500 --> 00:47:53,120 And they made a reservation, but we got it filed up. 465 00:47:53,340 --> 00:47:57,820 Because when they got here, all we had was one room with one bed. 466 00:47:58,280 --> 00:47:59,900 Get a hunchback from this. 467 00:48:01,050 --> 00:48:02,730 Oh, Michael, look at this. What? 468 00:48:03,490 --> 00:48:05,390 There's only one bed in this room. 469 00:48:05,750 --> 00:48:08,310 Oh, Annie, give me a break. 470 00:48:08,730 --> 00:48:12,490 They told you this is the last room left in the place. There's no extra beds. I 471 00:48:12,490 --> 00:48:13,710 thought you saw tarantulas. 472 00:48:14,390 --> 00:48:17,690 We're just going to have to go and find another place, right, Johnny? 473 00:48:17,990 --> 00:48:21,170 Too long, Betty. Like the guy said, everything around here is booked up. 474 00:48:21,170 --> 00:48:22,170 some fair or something. 475 00:48:23,030 --> 00:48:26,510 We'll just have to drive on to Scranton. Oh, the perfect idea. 476 00:48:26,750 --> 00:48:27,750 Drive on to Scranton. 477 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,240 Who's been driving the last ten hours? Come on, hey, Joe and I have been 478 00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:33,260 driving. Who's been driving that thing? We'll drive. 479 00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:35,100 Betty and I will drive. I can't drive. 480 00:48:36,140 --> 00:48:40,540 Oh, listen, friends and relatives, boys and girls, everybody settle down now. 481 00:48:41,180 --> 00:48:44,920 We are friends and relatives, or else why would we be having our honeymoon 482 00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:49,360 together? Mike, we agreed to travel together. We didn't agree to sleep 483 00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,240 Yeah, I can think of worse ideas. Like what? 484 00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,140 Yeah, like driving a Scranton. Hey, come on, Mike's right. 485 00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,280 We'll make the best of it. It's just for one night. 486 00:48:57,850 --> 00:49:00,230 How are we all going to fit comfortably on this bed? 487 00:49:00,650 --> 00:49:05,790 Listen, we don't have to sleep. We can converse in body language. Watch this 488 00:49:05,790 --> 00:49:06,669 subtle phrase. 489 00:49:06,670 --> 00:49:07,670 Listen to this now. 490 00:49:08,630 --> 00:49:12,510 Rest? I know. The boys will sleep on the floor. Good idea. 491 00:49:13,050 --> 00:49:14,950 With my back, I'm going to sleep on the floor. 492 00:49:15,510 --> 00:49:18,730 Besides, I didn't know you were that way. What way? 493 00:49:19,070 --> 00:49:22,050 I mean, I'm sure your mother would be very happy to know that you're spending 494 00:49:22,050 --> 00:49:23,610 your honeymoon with a girl of your own faith. 495 00:49:24,420 --> 00:49:28,260 No, I don't. Although you don't make a bad couple at all. Anne, I think your 496 00:49:28,260 --> 00:49:30,460 husband's been watching too many porno movies. 497 00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:32,480 There's porno movies on the fucking brain. 498 00:49:33,260 --> 00:49:34,260 You love it real. 499 00:49:35,580 --> 00:49:37,020 Come on, Mike. Not tonight. 500 00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,660 Not tonight. Not tonight? How come? I mean that literally. 501 00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:41,000 I don't want to know the audience. 502 00:49:41,420 --> 00:49:42,420 Listen, 503 00:49:42,700 --> 00:49:46,760 fellas, when you finish with the kindergarten stuff, maybe you can make 504 00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,180 sleeping arrangements. I'm going to the ladies. 505 00:49:49,780 --> 00:49:51,640 I'll walk you. Come on. 506 00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:53,600 Never fails, right? One broad's got to be there. 507 00:49:54,060 --> 00:49:57,060 Maybe we don't have to pee. Maybe we're just going to compare notes. 508 00:49:57,460 --> 00:49:59,720 We don't have to think of a better place to compare notes. 509 00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:02,540 Maybe I just have to pee after all. 510 00:50:08,700 --> 00:50:09,700 Don't fall in. 511 00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:17,400 What's it been about four hours since we last saw? I think so. Hurry up. My 512 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:18,480 bladder's bursting. 513 00:50:18,780 --> 00:50:19,359 I'm trying. 514 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:20,360 I'm trying. 515 00:50:21,240 --> 00:50:22,820 I think you're right. He's a funny guy. 516 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,880 Mr. Ryan, as long as he excuses gutter mouth. 517 00:50:26,180 --> 00:50:27,180 I don't mind. 518 00:50:27,380 --> 00:50:29,080 Here, here's your... Thanks. 519 00:50:29,940 --> 00:50:32,880 You don't fool me either. I know you like that fresh talk. 520 00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,340 Oh, yeah, I like it, but I wouldn't let him know. 521 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:39,460 Listen, uh, I guess we really ought to deal with the sleeping arrangement. 522 00:50:39,460 --> 00:50:43,920 I don't know what... Well, Joe, no offense, but I don't think I'll be 523 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:44,920 on the floor with you. 524 00:50:45,420 --> 00:50:50,550 I... My back... It's really bothering me, and a man in my condition, 525 00:50:50,550 --> 00:50:53,230 my genitals, I think I'll sleep on the bed with the girls. You're right, and 526 00:50:53,230 --> 00:50:54,470 you'll tell me about it in the morning? 527 00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:56,170 Of course, I'm not selfish. 528 00:50:56,670 --> 00:50:58,090 Listen, thanks, pal, but no thanks. 529 00:50:58,670 --> 00:51:00,810 You really do have fuck films on the brain, don't you? 530 00:51:01,010 --> 00:51:03,990 Yeah, well, it gave me a lot better ideas than one guy in the bed with two 531 00:51:03,990 --> 00:51:05,530 girls. Like what? 532 00:51:05,970 --> 00:51:10,250 Well, uh, think about it. Two guys, two women, eight armpits. 533 00:51:10,510 --> 00:51:11,510 Man, you're crazy. 534 00:51:12,630 --> 00:51:14,370 Crazy? Crazy spelled backwards is hygiene. 535 00:51:15,710 --> 00:51:16,970 Plus, uh, listen. 536 00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,060 How long do we know each other? 537 00:51:19,340 --> 00:51:20,340 Long enough. 538 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,080 Don't you think I know you dig Annie? 539 00:51:22,620 --> 00:51:25,860 Look, I'm not trying to pull a Mr. Purity on you. I know you dig Betty, 540 00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:26,920 Well, 541 00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,180 the feeling's mutual. 542 00:51:29,540 --> 00:51:34,120 I'm sure that yours digs me and mine digs you. 543 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,580 You know, I think your Joey's pretty cute, too. 544 00:51:36,900 --> 00:51:37,900 I know you do. 545 00:51:38,140 --> 00:51:42,400 What do you mean you know I do? I just mean I know you think he's cute, that's 546 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,460 all. But I'm not the possessive type. Oh, like hell you're not. 547 00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:49,140 If I don't find a woman threatening... Yes? 548 00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:53,840 And if she's something equal to trade... They'll never go for it. Oh, they'll 549 00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,900 never go for it if you talk to them about it. 550 00:51:56,220 --> 00:51:58,180 So? Believe me, I know you're absolutely right. 551 00:51:58,460 --> 00:51:59,720 Look, let me tell you something, though. 552 00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:03,580 Anytime I want to do anything frantic with Annie, we try to discuss it, she 553 00:52:03,580 --> 00:52:04,580 never buys it. 554 00:52:04,620 --> 00:52:07,440 If I just grab her by the short hairs, throw her down and do it, she goes 555 00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:08,980 bananas, loves every minute of it. 556 00:52:09,980 --> 00:52:11,860 Hmm. You know something, uh... 557 00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:13,830 But he's the same way. No shit. 558 00:52:15,250 --> 00:52:16,930 Listen, this is me playing. 559 00:52:18,330 --> 00:52:19,330 I've got an idea. 560 00:52:19,790 --> 00:52:22,470 Listen, the way they're always shooting off at their big mouth, right? 561 00:52:23,710 --> 00:52:29,870 Why don't we just go and suggest, actually suggest that we just, you know, 562 00:52:29,870 --> 00:52:31,010 the old switcheroo? 563 00:52:31,230 --> 00:52:34,210 Are you kidding? Do you know what they do? They pee the penis. 564 00:52:34,730 --> 00:52:35,910 I know what Joey would. 565 00:52:36,230 --> 00:52:37,230 With what? 566 00:52:37,310 --> 00:52:42,500 Penis. And so would Mike. When I try to talk him into anything kinky, he really 567 00:52:42,500 --> 00:52:46,100 never goes for it. But if I just grab him by the short hairs and do it, he 568 00:52:46,100 --> 00:52:47,100 really loves it. 569 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:48,380 Save it for a toy. 570 00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:51,400 Come on. 571 00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:02,240 Come here, eyes, girls. You've heard of jumpsuits? These are humpsuits. 572 00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:05,960 Now, I've devised some very, very complex sleeping arrangements. 573 00:53:06,540 --> 00:53:09,380 Joe there, Betty there, Annie here, and me here. 574 00:53:11,420 --> 00:53:17,440 Okay, boys and girls, it is now sleepy time. 575 00:53:43,820 --> 00:53:44,820 You know? 576 00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:16,080 I should have known. 577 00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:17,760 Okay, listen. Wait a minute, boys and girls. 578 00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:19,200 I have a suggestion. 579 00:54:19,740 --> 00:54:22,780 Let's try it one more time, this time with the lights on. 580 00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:24,200 One, two. 581 00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:26,180 One, two, three, four. 582 00:56:51,470 --> 00:56:52,470 Thank you. 583 00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:24,780 Well, I admit that sounds like fun, but did they stay married after that? Sure 584 00:59:24,780 --> 00:59:25,780 did. 585 00:59:25,860 --> 00:59:28,560 Well, who stayed married to who? Like I said, they did. 586 00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:32,240 They all did. All four stayed married to each other. They could look each other 587 00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:33,360 in the face after that? 588 00:59:33,580 --> 00:59:36,780 Well, why not? They've been looking at each other everywhere else. I mean, they 589 00:59:36,780 --> 00:59:40,380 bought this big house, and they come back here every year on their 590 00:59:40,780 --> 00:59:44,600 Hmm, and I suppose they stayed happily married after that forever. 591 00:59:45,150 --> 00:59:46,089 Well, so far. 592 00:59:46,090 --> 00:59:49,610 Now, I'm not saying that's the best way for each person, you know, but sometimes 593 00:59:49,610 --> 00:59:51,790 it takes getting married before people know each other. 594 00:59:52,250 --> 00:59:56,390 You know, because sometimes finding out what the other person is like is like a 595 00:59:56,390 --> 00:59:57,730 really bad surprise. 596 00:59:58,130 --> 00:59:59,130 I can relate to that. 597 00:59:59,570 --> 01:00:02,230 Hey, listen, son. You think you've got a problem, huh? 598 01:00:02,530 --> 01:00:06,910 Why, just last month, this couple come in here, pretty southern girl. Well, she 599 01:00:06,910 --> 01:00:11,330 finds out on her wedding night that her husband has another doll on the side. 600 01:03:41,450 --> 01:03:42,450 Oh. 601 01:04:48,860 --> 01:04:50,020 You think that's something? 602 01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:51,480 Wait till I tell you this. 603 01:04:51,720 --> 01:04:58,220 Huh? It went on like... Was it good for you, Francine? Oh, I'm so glad. 604 01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:04,840 Hey, but you're going to have to excuse me now, honey, because I really bushed. 605 01:05:12,430 --> 01:05:13,430 Good night, Francie. 606 01:05:18,390 --> 01:05:24,990 Well, that was the absolutest, bestest ever. 607 01:05:26,810 --> 01:05:33,790 I mean, in my whole entire lifetime, I have never felt one like 608 01:05:33,790 --> 01:05:34,790 that. 609 01:05:36,210 --> 01:05:40,070 Why, it was like I was on this enormous elevator. 610 01:05:41,050 --> 01:05:45,770 And it kept on going up and up and up. 611 01:05:46,610 --> 01:05:53,250 And then just when I thought I'd reached the top, why, that old elevator just 612 01:05:53,250 --> 01:05:59,990 burst right on through the top of the building and kept on going up 613 01:05:59,990 --> 01:06:02,550 and up and up. 614 01:06:03,530 --> 01:06:10,030 Oh, and then there were these pyrotechnical displays, and they were 615 01:06:10,030 --> 01:06:11,030 popping. 616 01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:18,020 happen all around and these big fat splashes of 617 01:06:44,380 --> 01:06:48,500 Michelle. Oh, yeah. Michelle, baby. 618 01:06:49,860 --> 01:06:51,960 You're so fine. 619 01:06:53,720 --> 01:06:55,920 Who is Michelle? 620 01:06:57,140 --> 01:06:58,620 Oh, Michelle. 621 01:06:59,840 --> 01:07:01,480 You're the best. 622 01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:04,820 So soft. 623 01:07:05,100 --> 01:07:06,800 So warm. 624 01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:10,180 Is she better than me? 625 01:07:14,850 --> 01:07:17,150 Michelle, you and me forever. 626 01:07:19,370 --> 01:07:21,950 Oh, I love to touch you. 627 01:07:23,310 --> 01:07:24,490 Touch? Oh, well. 628 01:07:26,770 --> 01:07:27,770 There. 629 01:07:29,670 --> 01:07:32,790 Oh, your soft, warm hair. 630 01:07:34,430 --> 01:07:36,350 Oh, it's so good. 631 01:07:38,050 --> 01:07:39,570 Oh, yeah. 632 01:07:41,230 --> 01:07:42,790 Oh, Michelle. 633 01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:47,100 I want to squeeze you. 634 01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:51,860 You and me forever, baby. 635 01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:55,480 Oh, well. You know what, sweetheart? 636 01:07:56,300 --> 01:07:58,900 Forever has just arrived. 637 01:07:59,920 --> 01:08:00,920 Oh. 638 01:08:01,220 --> 01:08:02,800 Oh, yes. 639 01:08:03,140 --> 01:08:04,880 I wasted my time in this. 640 01:08:07,780 --> 01:08:10,420 Apparently, Jackson, you wake up. 641 01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:11,840 Michelle? 642 01:08:12,900 --> 01:08:14,380 Michelle, you're... 643 01:08:19,850 --> 01:08:22,770 making the graph. Francie, look. You don't understand. 644 01:08:24,890 --> 01:08:26,810 Look, look, Francie, look. 645 01:08:27,770 --> 01:08:28,770 Oh, 646 01:08:31,270 --> 01:08:32,270 Michelle. 647 01:08:33,210 --> 01:08:34,630 You're going to kill her. 648 01:08:35,390 --> 01:08:37,310 Oh, Michelle. 649 01:08:38,149 --> 01:08:39,170 Oh, baby. 650 01:08:44,410 --> 01:08:49,810 So that was it for Harold and Fran. scene, huh? 651 01:08:50,830 --> 01:08:53,729 Lucky thing nobody got hurt except Michelle. 652 01:08:54,810 --> 01:08:55,810 Some people. 653 01:08:56,670 --> 01:09:00,229 She divorced him just because he talked in his sleep to his teddy bear. 654 01:09:00,450 --> 01:09:01,529 No, no, no, you got it wrong. 655 01:09:02,330 --> 01:09:06,130 He divorced her for killing Michelle. 656 01:09:06,910 --> 01:09:07,910 Got it. 657 01:09:09,330 --> 01:09:14,149 So, I hope you understand, you know, new married people, they have problems. 658 01:09:14,410 --> 01:09:15,630 You got things to work out. 659 01:09:15,910 --> 01:09:17,569 There I can agree with you. Good. 660 01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:22,140 I'm glad I convinced you then. So now maybe you go back to the room and be a 661 01:09:22,140 --> 01:09:23,500 little bit more patient with Mrs. 662 01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:24,960 Charnowski. 663 01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:26,520 Nope. Huh? 664 01:09:26,840 --> 01:09:30,779 You convinced me of something all right, but not to go back and be more patient 665 01:09:30,779 --> 01:09:31,538 with Susan. 666 01:09:31,540 --> 01:09:32,540 What do you mean, son? 667 01:09:35,100 --> 01:09:36,439 Thanks a lot, Mr. Smelt. 668 01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:37,740 Really? 669 01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:39,180 Thanks an awful lot. 670 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:46,640 Good night, son. 671 01:09:59,450 --> 01:10:00,810 Morris, is that you? 672 01:10:07,330 --> 01:10:08,830 Yeah, honey, it's me. 673 01:10:09,550 --> 01:10:10,550 Oh. 674 01:10:11,430 --> 01:10:14,070 Have you made up your mind yet? 675 01:10:14,530 --> 01:10:16,070 No, Morris, I have not. 676 01:10:17,090 --> 01:10:21,870 Oh. Well, that's okay. You can come out now if you want. 677 01:10:22,490 --> 01:10:25,570 Morris Tornowski, you know damn well I can't come out. 678 01:10:26,090 --> 01:10:27,090 Sure you can. 679 01:10:27,230 --> 01:10:28,390 I'm not going to bother you. 680 01:10:30,500 --> 01:10:32,900 No, but you can stay in there too if you want. 681 01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:34,560 I can? 682 01:10:34,860 --> 01:10:35,860 Uh -huh. 683 01:10:36,280 --> 01:10:38,080 Doesn't matter to me one way or the other. 684 01:10:38,460 --> 01:10:39,460 It doesn't? 685 01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:40,880 No. 686 01:10:41,700 --> 01:10:44,280 I'm not going to try to talk you into something you don't want. 687 01:10:46,960 --> 01:10:49,120 Morris, where have you been? 688 01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:51,140 Oh, no, honey. 689 01:10:51,700 --> 01:10:54,980 I have not been out getting laid. As a matter of fact, I've been downstairs 690 01:10:54,980 --> 01:10:56,800 talking to the guy that owns this place. 691 01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,040 He's a nice guy. 692 01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:00,780 He's a little weird, maybe, but he's a nice guy. 693 01:11:01,940 --> 01:11:05,020 Do you mean that when I was in there struggling with the most important 694 01:11:05,020 --> 01:11:07,560 of my life, you were out there talking to some weirdo? 695 01:11:07,900 --> 01:11:09,120 I guess that's what I mean. 696 01:11:09,540 --> 01:11:10,860 Well, thanks a lot. 697 01:11:11,180 --> 01:11:13,000 Well, honey, I wouldn't be too hard on the old man. 698 01:11:13,660 --> 01:11:15,560 He cleared up some things in my head. 699 01:11:15,940 --> 01:11:16,940 Oh, great. 700 01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:18,200 Like what? 701 01:11:18,740 --> 01:11:21,060 Well, I was banging my head against that wall. 702 01:11:21,620 --> 01:11:25,780 Against the door, actually. Trying to make you come out and do it as if it was 703 01:11:25,780 --> 01:11:27,400 the most important thing in the world. 704 01:11:27,850 --> 01:11:28,850 Yeah? And? 705 01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:30,790 Well, and it ain't. 706 01:11:31,350 --> 01:11:33,990 The most important thing in the world, that is. Oh, thanks. 707 01:11:34,670 --> 01:11:39,030 Oh, honey, I'd love you and all that, but it's just not the most important 708 01:11:39,030 --> 01:11:44,250 in the world. I mean, people have been doing it for hundreds of years, maybe 709 01:11:44,250 --> 01:11:46,490 longer. Where do you think you came from? 710 01:11:46,910 --> 01:11:50,790 Well, you don't have to get vulgar. I'm not. I'm just telling it like it is. 711 01:11:51,290 --> 01:11:55,670 And while talking to him, I realized there's a whole world of possibilities 712 01:11:55,670 --> 01:11:57,160 terms of... It. 713 01:11:58,200 --> 01:12:02,160 So, if I can't have it with you... Are you blackmailing me? 714 01:12:02,420 --> 01:12:03,480 No, not at all. 715 01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:07,920 I'm just not going to try to force you into doing something you don't want to. 716 01:12:08,080 --> 01:12:11,780 That's why I've decided to take you home to Mom. You can take all the time you 717 01:12:11,780 --> 01:12:12,780 want to decide. 718 01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:18,400 And if you decide you want to do it, well... All right, if I'm still around. 719 01:12:19,040 --> 01:12:22,760 Morris, you're a beast, and I thought you loved me. I do, honey. 720 01:12:23,020 --> 01:12:26,000 And that's why I'm not going to try to talk you into it. So, come on. 721 01:12:26,330 --> 01:12:27,330 Get your stuff together. 722 01:12:28,350 --> 01:12:30,230 Well, can't we leave in the morning? 723 01:12:31,570 --> 01:12:37,270 Sure we could, but your bed at home is going to be a lot more comfortable than 724 01:12:37,270 --> 01:12:38,270 that bathtub. 725 01:12:38,910 --> 01:12:41,210 Well, can't we sleep in that bed? 726 01:12:41,430 --> 01:12:42,450 Oh, no. No, no, no, no. 727 01:12:43,430 --> 01:12:46,850 That'd be much too frustrating for me. Maybe you haven't decided whether or not 728 01:12:46,850 --> 01:12:49,250 you want to do it, but I have. 729 01:12:50,350 --> 01:12:54,190 Well, I'm not sure that I want to do it, but... 730 01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:59,000 But maybe, maybe I might want to do it. 731 01:13:00,940 --> 01:13:02,240 Maybe? Maybe. 732 01:14:44,350 --> 01:14:46,390 I knew that boy had some brains. 733 01:14:47,110 --> 01:14:48,210 I told you so. 734 01:14:48,530 --> 01:14:50,930 I told you he'd figure out a way into her heart. 735 01:14:51,510 --> 01:14:52,510 Wherever he got into. 736 01:14:53,070 --> 01:14:55,030 We really got handed to you, Smell. 737 01:14:55,810 --> 01:14:58,630 We thought you'd bombed out on those two. We all did. 738 01:14:58,970 --> 01:15:04,990 Oh, the trouble with you is you don't have any confidence in my ability as a 739 01:15:04,990 --> 01:15:05,990 counselor. 740 01:15:06,330 --> 01:15:08,510 Now, have I ever let you down once, huh? 741 01:15:08,930 --> 01:15:12,310 Have I ever missed out on bringing you one little story in our... 742 01:15:13,210 --> 01:15:14,450 class reunions? No. 743 01:15:14,690 --> 01:15:18,090 But like the man said, we all thought this looked like your first major 744 01:15:18,090 --> 01:15:19,090 disaster. 745 01:15:20,210 --> 01:15:22,110 Yeah, when did they get to see the videotapes? 746 01:15:22,330 --> 01:15:25,130 Yeah, in the morning, as usual. 747 01:15:25,450 --> 01:15:27,750 Hey, do you think they'll join the Honeymoon Haven Club? 748 01:15:28,350 --> 01:15:30,450 Look, they already have.